I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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