Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
