Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
