We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
