apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
