I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
