Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
