Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
