Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
