But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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