For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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