I think I won the penis lottery.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
