Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
