well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
