Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Randomize
