You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
