I CAN MOONWALK!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
