i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
