It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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