you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
