meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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