i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
