i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
