I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
