In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
