So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
