now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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