I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
