I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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