I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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