Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish you could order shots online.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
