Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
