R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
