i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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