I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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