you would pick up someone in the library
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
