you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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