Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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