a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
