You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
