The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
