my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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