I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
