since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
