my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
