my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Found the puke drawer
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
