Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
