i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
