i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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