her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
