And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
