cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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