***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
