i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
