Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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