Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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