the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Vodka?
Forever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
