do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
