youre lurking in front of me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
