I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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