It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
