i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
